Fasting from stress.

There are two ways we can anticipate something as big and beautiful as having a baby. One is to watch the clock, count the minutes, run around frantically trying to ready the nest, pack the bags a week before the due date, go the hospital at the very first tweak of abdominal cramping-- basically be as stressed out and over-excited as possible. Or we can wait quietly, continue to enjoy life at a moderate pace, make no big plans, set no specific goals and let the baby come when it comes.

When I was pregnant with Theo I was smart enough (or lucky enough) to try the latter approach in preparation for the birth. My mom was two weeks overdue with both my sister and me and her labour took two days nearly so I considered myself as likely to be on baby death-row for at least that amount of time. (Baby death-row being perhaps not the best way of describing the feeling a pregnant woman has when she is overdue and waiting for her sentence to be carried out already.)

So when I started having contractions only a week after my due date I really wasn't sure that I was in labour at all. So I went about my business, did grocery shopping, stopped at the employment office to do my papers, had a bath, had a nap, watched a movie. It wasn't till my water broke that I figured I actually was in labour after all. And even then I expected I would be be busy with it for hours and hours so I tried to take a nap. In the end my labour lasted only five hours and I can't help thinking that my relaxed attitude contributed to the ease and briefness of my labour and delivery. (I acknowledge that I am also just genetically lucky to have had so little pain.) The result was a beautiful birth experience that left me feeling completely invigorated and overwhelmed with the kind of joy I've only ever known at Pascha.

Now that it is Lent I'm faced with the challenge of fasting and all the stress we Orthodox tend to associate with it. A friend of mine remarked that it wasn't the change in diet that was so hard for her, but having to drastically reduce the AMOUNT of food she ate. She said there was no point in trading steak and potatoes for lentil soup if you ate 4 helpings of it just to feel full. And she had a good point. What's the point of changing your diet so you can feast on perogies? The point is that we aren't feasting. However, in her mind, I think she felt that the opposite of feasting is starving-- fasting was meant to be difficult after all.

But that got me thinking about how easy it is for us as Orthodox to approach the fast as being either a different kind of feast (of the ethnic vegan food variety) or as a sort of self-punishing famine. I tend towards the latter habit and I think most convert Orthodox do too-- especially when they come from Protestant backgrounds where they had the burden of choosing their own discipline instead of simply being obedient to tradition. It is easy to think that giving up feasting means giving up things we like and thereby feeling guilty if we continue to eat something we enjoy or do something we think of as a luxury--even if they aren't a part of the traditionally restricted food items.

But I do not believe for a moment that the traditional fasting rules were designed as self- punishment, nor do I believe that God wants us all to walk around half-starved, feeling light-headed and ill. After all, our bodies are His temple and we are not meant to abuse them by walking around hungry and incapable of concentrating. (Think how dangerous it would be for truck drivers or surgeons to be Orthodox if that were the case).

So I wonder if perhaps the real purpose behind the traditional fasting rules is to require us to slow our pace of life and reduce our stress so we have more energy for church and prayer. A friend commented to me that she was planning to rest more during Lent--even though it didn't sound like a good Lenten discipline. But I think as a matter of fact she is doing what we should ALL be doing during Lent. That the traditional fasting rules make no sense at all if we aren't actively trying to rest and relax as well. Our lives are ridiculously full and overwhelmingly busy most of the time that we have no time and energy for God. We're all buzzing about like Martha, readying the feast that we are missing the better part.

Of course I'm a stay-at-home mom and I make my own hours-- mostly. But I do tend to set unrealistic goals for myself and add to my list of daily challenges by planning complicated meals that take a lot of organising. I invite people round and try to play hostess even when I'm too tired.

So for my son's second birthday I felt terribly guilty that I hadn't planned anything or made any kind of effort to host a party or a dinner because I was far too tired. But in the end we had the best kind of Orthodox party there is-- the spontaneous shin dig. We invited whoever was free to stop by and hang out for ice cream cake after church on Sunday. I didn't cook, I didn't clean, I just enjoyed the fellowship and so did Theo. He opened his presents and blew out his two candles and enjoyed the attention of all his parents' familiar church friends.

I think this is the sort of approach we should all have to fasting. To avoid not simply the feasting but all the stresses that come with preparing a feast. Cook simple meals, avoid too many extra social engagements and make more time for rest and for church, so that our minds as well as our hearts and bodies are prepared for the Great Feast.