A Journey of Obedience

So I've been thinking a lot about fasting as you know, and my husband said something that really made me think about it from a different perspective-- one which I think makes a lot of sense. He said that he wouldn't be giving up anything for Lent that wasn't required-- that he was just going to do his best to be obedient to the existing rules, and that to try to be better was setting himself up for frustration and disappointment.

Now, it has occurred to me recently that as Orthodox we are very blessed to have these rules, rather than to have the burden of choosing our own discipline, like our Protestant brothers do. That's because, as a pregnant woman, I simply can't follow the traditional rules, and have felt that I must choose something else instead. But while discussing the dilemma with some of my Protestant friends, I have come to realise that fasting, the way it was meant to be, is not really an exercise in self-discipline so much as an obedience. And I think that is because we are less likely to feel proud of our success in giving up meat if everyone at church did too. We are all on the same journey, united in Christ and walking together to joy of His Pascha.

Since I have come to understand this, I've realised why it has been so difficult for me to choose something to fast from: my part in this obedience, as a pregnant woman, is NOT to give up meat and dairy. And while this may seem like a freebee to my fellow Orthodox travellers, the reality is that it is much harder in some ways. First, my husband is fasting, so we are not making this journey the same way. (Also, I have to cook for both of us.) And second, it is much harder to experience the joy of the feast if one has not fasted at all-- it can be very isolating.

A good analogy is that we are all on the road to Pascha and must travel in the simplest manner possible, allowing more time for prayer, reflection, and fellowship. We have to use our bodies to search for God. In others words, we have to walk. I, on the other hand, am already allowing God to use my body for the creation of life. I have to take a cab. And while that might seem like the more desirable way to travel for those whose feet are already sore after one week, the reality is that I don't get to walk with the rest of you. I have to watch you as I drive past alone in the cab--no one but me and the baby. God is driving (I think) but I'm not good at conversation.

Luckily for me, the cab stops and lets me out at all the pubs and rest stops along the road where I can meet the rest of you for communion and fellowship (ie church). But in the mean time the journey can be rather lonely, which is why I kept trying to come up with things to fast from so that I feel included.

But I think I've been looking at it all wrong really. Realistically I'm still on the same road as the rest of my fellow Orthodox, so there should be no reason to feel left out on the day we arrive at the feast--IF I am following the spirit of the fast. It is not about the things we give up, but the spirit in which we choose to avoid them that matters. We are not avoiding certain foods to punish our bodies anymore than we choose to walk in order to develop blisters. We avoid certain foods because they take time and energy to prepare and digest that is better spent in fellowship at church or in our prayer corners. We walk in order to go there together. In other words, "feasting" means fussing in the kitchen, separated from each other and distracted by the cares of the world, like Martha. Fasting is sitting at God's feet like Mary and the rest of the faithful. And I can sit at God's feet (or walk at His side, or ride in His cab), cheese or no cheese.

I have said in other posts that what I want to do, and think all of us should try to do, is fast from stress during Lent. So what I have chosen to do is keep the non-fasting items I must eat as simple as possible--adding cheese to my plate of Lenten pasta or something--the aim of my meal plans being to spend as little time in the kitchen as possible.

Of course, for most of us in the western world, we're so blessed with abundance that for us SIMPLE meals are almost always non-Lenten ones. We're not used to eating things without meat and cheese, so the fast presents us with quite a challenge sometimes. But the path is wide. Some people walk right in the middle on the hardest part of the road (I think these people follow the "no oil" rule), some people walk on the turf next to it, and a few of us give up and catch the bus.

The point is that we all go the same direction on the path that God has laid for us. And if we catch the bus occasionally and meet up with everyone else at the pub along the way, then we won't be able to stray too far.

In the meantime, my job is to rest in the car, let God control my body, let Him bring life from it, and learn to love communion with my baby and with God.