Ahhhhhh. The snow is beautiful. And I can't help enjoying it even though it's bloody freezing out there and I don't have a coat that buttons over my HUGE belly (well rounder than usual--I shouldn't say huge now, because I've got 4 months to go and if I start thinking of myself as huge now then I'll be really miserable by the end).
Trouble is that it's Sunday. So lots of people will try but probably fail to make it to church. When I was younger (not that much younger) I used to pray to St. Nicholas for snow--partly because one year it really worked. But obviously Dad hates snow because attendance at church is down--which is fair enough really. Must be hard for him to get out of bed on Sunday morning thinking he's going to be one of a very few people.
Today my husband picked him up because he was snowed in. We spent our Christmas money on snow tires--which at the time made me really mad, but now I'm quite thankful. When you think of it, considering the conditions (which were pretty unlikely) they were the best Christmas present we could have given ourselves. It's hard to tell because the Weather Network people are such Indian givers (oo sorry ethnic slur --I'm told Welsh givers works too) but it looks like we really are going to have a White Christmas--pretty rare for this part of the world. And if that's the case, snow tires are the best gift we could get. Not because we need to drive to church or because we have to travel very far at all really. Nope, it means my husband can play taxi-man and pick up as many people who need a lift on Christmas as he can reach. After all, the more the merrier on Christmas morning-- at church I mean.
I'm still in my PJs sipping coffee because I've decided to skip my pre-Liturgy shower while Theo is at Matins--who wants to go out with wet hair (especially if you lost your only hat)? But it's early still and I just want to sit and enjoy the peacefulness of the trailer. Usually the traffic screams by at all hours. When the snow comes it's nice and quiet for a change.
But I can't help feeling a twinge of guilt about the whole snow thing and I'm not sure how to work it out in my head. I suppose when it comes down to it no one can control the weather so I shouldn't really feel guilty about the excitement and happiness I feel when it snows. It's not MY fault it's freezing and people are snowed in away from family or getting in car accidents. But then it IS sort of my fault that people are out freezing their asses off because they're homeless right? I mean not directly my fault. It's everyone's fault really. The main reason snow is so delightful is that I have a home and a warm coat and a bright shiny red kettle to make me hot cocoa. I can sit and watch the snow and enjoy the coziness of the house and the satisfaction of hearing the furnace kick in again. I can dress my kid up in woolies and force his mittens on and let him play outside and not worry about him freezing to death. Must be really hard to enjoy creation when you're poor and homeless.
What does that say about people who don't enjoy creation for what it is when they DO have a home and hearth? People who rail against the weather because it keeps the mall attendance down and profits bad. People who insist their employees turn up on a snow day because otherwise the company won't make as much-- even if the employees have to bus it in the freezing cold? Or leave their children without babysitters because the schools and daycares close, but the malls never do? (Ahem, can you tell I've been scarred by retail...?) It would be nice if, when it snowed like this, everything closed except churches and community halls and people's homes. Don't go to work-- stay home and make soup for the people freezing outside your door. That should be our FIRST job really. Our on call job. You know--in an ideal world.
Anyway, I've been blessed with a house and clothes and snow tires. So I'm going to enjoy what I've been given and at least pray for everyone out there who isn't enjoying it--whatever the reason, hearts too small or shoes too tight (or non-existent).
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
More things I'm Grateful for
I'm on a roll now.
1)Theo is napping and I didn't have to put him down-- Grandpa did!!
2)We found the perfect train set
3)my shopping is done!!! (Except for groceries)
4)Mini-baby is kicking me in the bladder, which might seem like a weird thing to be happy about but seriously, there's nothing like a foot in the bladder to make you feel all warm--especially if you pee your pants
5)I don't get hairier with pregnancy! But my hair looks full and lovely...
6)Surgery for varicose veins is covered by medical (I'm told)
7)Mom gave me some lovely table linens for Christmas
8)The Hartleys gave us some lovely fancy gold and white china for our wedding years ago which we'd forgotten all about and never needed till now because we're hosting Christmas! (Bless them)
9)We might have snow for Christmas
10)Buying a new phone was actually cheaper than keeping the old one (yay Fido Dollars!)
11)Two Christmas hampers means more and bigger knitting storage baskets!
12)How the Grinch Stole Christmas is still fun to watch even if I've see/heard it a million times this month
13) Ditto Charlie Brown Christmas
14)My kid is cute making it hard to be mad at him for long (I know, how crap a mother would I be for an ugly kid right? I'm ashamed)
15) The choir sounds terrific at church and Greg is really really enjoying it!
There are more. I thought of them yesterday and had no paper to write them down. But it works a treat. I feel so much better!
1)Theo is napping and I didn't have to put him down-- Grandpa did!!
2)We found the perfect train set
3)my shopping is done!!! (Except for groceries)
4)Mini-baby is kicking me in the bladder, which might seem like a weird thing to be happy about but seriously, there's nothing like a foot in the bladder to make you feel all warm--especially if you pee your pants
5)I don't get hairier with pregnancy! But my hair looks full and lovely...
6)Surgery for varicose veins is covered by medical (I'm told)
7)Mom gave me some lovely table linens for Christmas
8)The Hartleys gave us some lovely fancy gold and white china for our wedding years ago which we'd forgotten all about and never needed till now because we're hosting Christmas! (Bless them)
9)We might have snow for Christmas
10)Buying a new phone was actually cheaper than keeping the old one (yay Fido Dollars!)
11)Two Christmas hampers means more and bigger knitting storage baskets!
12)How the Grinch Stole Christmas is still fun to watch even if I've see/heard it a million times this month
13) Ditto Charlie Brown Christmas
14)My kid is cute making it hard to be mad at him for long (I know, how crap a mother would I be for an ugly kid right? I'm ashamed)
15) The choir sounds terrific at church and Greg is really really enjoying it!
There are more. I thought of them yesterday and had no paper to write them down. But it works a treat. I feel so much better!
Monday, December 15, 2008
Things I am Grateful For
Okay I'm having a crappy couple of weeks. When Charlie Brown says "Everything I touch gets ruined"-- I really really sympathise. The dress I spent hours sewing to wear for Christmas is probably not going to fit because I'm expanding too quickly; we're completely skint after our two day holiday from Theo (because we couldn't face taking the bus and decided to pay to bring the car on the ferry at the last minute) and as a result I had to return half the presents we bought; work is going to be scarce over the holiday because the office is shut down between Christmas and Theopany; I lost my only winter hat--just in time for the freezing weather; my coat doesn't fit over my massive belly; and the lovely snow we were all excited about (especially me) made the tiny crack in our windshield into a HUGE crack and now we have to spend $200 to replace it. Oh and I burned my hand making breakfast yesterday.
So I'm trying really hard not to be negative and spend the week crying and ruining everyone's Christmas spirit because it isn't their fault I'm having some really bad luck. But being positive in the face of misfortune is really not a pregnant woman's forte. So I thought I would make a list of things I'm grateful for and see if that helps.
1)Christmas is STILL Christmas
2) WE are still married, even though many people we know called it quits this year
3)We have a terrific family that will keep us from freezing and starving
4)-- neither of which we are close to doing
5)The above people are also not sick or dying or injured
6)--and they're paying for Christmas dinner
7) We've agreed that we will make an exception to our "no visa purchases rule" to get Theo a present
8)We've also agreed that a tree is a necessary purchase
9)I haven't taken a hammer to my sewing machine yet
10) --Or the car
11)I made some very pretty gifts, even though I couldn't afford to buy them for people
12)We have our own place with no one above, below or next door to object to Theo's prospective Christmas present of bells from his grandparents.
13) I do not object to bells from his grandparents
14)If I DO object to bells they can live with his grandparents and said grandparents will not be offended (they promised)
15)My Christmas decorations don't suck
16)One glass of wine on Christmas day is perfectly acceptable even though I'm pregnant
17)I don't suck at cooking (which is really good if you're too skint to buy meat very often)
18)I also don't mind going vegetarian if we have to
19)I don't think we pay the gas bill, which is good because it's damn hard keeping the trailer warm
20)I can bake cookies today
21) I might not have a pretty dress to wear but I don't have to wear sweat pants either
22)I have fuzzy pink slippers
23) Non-alcoholic beer doesn't suck
24)--and we might be able to afford it...for Christmas anyway
25)My husband works outside his home office on Fridays which means I can still play my new Loreena McKennitt cd at least once a week
There are so many more, those are just the things that came to mind right now-- not necessarily in order of importance. Hm. I DO feel better. Well--better enough to get up and make another cup of tea and start thinking about those cookies...
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Politi-what?
Okay, I'm feeling fairly miffed and confused about the state of Canada's government right now. And annoyed by everyone's reactions to what going on.
I should explain that I'm not political. I don't get it. I'm apathetic. I don't have television, I quit listening to the radio (because Radio 2 changed their entire weekday program to nix most of the classical music!!) and I don't read newspapers because who wants to spend that money? So I'm fairly uninformed. And I don't care. Maybe I'm evil. Whatever.
But I do feel I have to do my civic duty and go vote (after all it's a right that not a lot of people in the world have and I felt it would be ungrateful not to) so I was bloody annoyed when I heard through friends that we're going to have to vote on the federal government AGAIN. Seriously? Didn't we JUST all vote like last month? And then we had to worry our heads about the US election too, and the municiple elections just finished and I think the provincial ones are coming up again and I'm just fed right up! Leave me alone government!!
Well it turns out we're NOT voting yet. We either vote next year (probably unless some wheels get seriously greased, and from what I can tell those wheels are damn stubborn and don't seem to want to move no matter what.) Or we get to have a coalition of the smaller opposition parties that as far as I know have nothing in common ideologically except that they hate the party currently forming the government. Great. That sounds stable. Oh and they want to spend lots of money we don't have in stimulus packages to help people suffering from the financial crisis--which has so far done absolutely nothing to help our biggest trading partner. Meanwhile, the ruling party's solution is to suspend parliament (lest they lose power because they won't budge on THEIR stance)-- which means absolutely nothing gets done for two months straight while we're in the middle of an economic crisis. Brilliant.
Now I will be honest. I voted for the Conservatives. Not because I am conservative. I already said I don't get politics at all. But I had no respect for the Liberals after 13 years of lies, broken promises, and scandal and their new leader (who didn't seem to speak English) wasn't doing anything to restore their credibility as far as I was concerned. And plus they wanted to raise taxes for "helping the environment" or something. Cuz that's the big issue.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not some hick with a petrol guzzling 4x4 on stilts that thinks global warming is a lot of hooey. As a matter of fact, I live a fairly environmentally responsible lifestyle. I use cloth diapers, we drive a tiny, super fuel-efficient Honda Fit (and we only have ONE car). I walk where I can and when I can't walk I use the bus. I wash my dishes and my laundry in environmentally safe detergent. I don't waste paper. I use power-saving lightbulbs. I buy local and organic groceries when I can and I cook things from scratch rather than use processed pre-made "food products" that are not only unhealthy but also create a lot more waste. Why do I have time to do all this? Because I'm a stay at home mom. Why can I afford to stay at home? Because we cram everything we own into a tiny two bedroom trailer which we plan to fill with as many kids as we can fit bunk beds for and because the current government party sends me a check for $100 a month (per child under 6)--which is what pays for the slightly more expensive groceries, and environmentally safe lightbulbs and laundy soap and organic milk from a local dairy. My husband does not make a lot. In fact if you divide his wage between us (imagining that we're BOTH working) we make about 9 bucks an hour. Which is a buck more than minimum wage. Not really enough.
Now I COULD go back to work (like a responsible woman of the world) and actually try to provide the north American standard for my children (their own rooms in a big house with a big yard and all the toys and opportunities for sports and extra cirricular activities they could possibly imagine). But we'd have to buy another car, and I would have spend half my wage on daycare and we'd never have time to eat as a family so it would be instant meals all the way and processed lunch meat (bring on the listeriosis) and low quality snack foods and disposble diapers (daycares don't do cloth) and meanwhile my kids would never see me, my husband would never see me, family unity would go out the window, and all those environmentally friendly things we can manage because I stay at home and bother to do them would be gone.
We'll never own a house-- or at least not while we're in our current situation. But I failed to see how raising taxes would actually help the environment when the problem, to me, seems to be a social one-- which is that both parents have to work to survive. If one parent chooses to stay at home to take on these things that INDIVIDUALS ought to be responsible for (not the government), then we can make a much bigger difference to the world not just environmentally, but socially speaking as well. Think of all the kids who will have better relationships with their families-- and marriages that will benefit from more frequent communication and time spent together at home? Think of how much better people would be fed--how much better children would learn if they weren't consuming sugar and processed crap all day because Mom (or Dad) haven't got time to make you anything else?
And politically, the only party I saw supporting families with one spouse at home to care for the children and keep house was the Conservatives. No one will convince me that taxing us further to provide more government subsidised child care programs will actually help things that are wrong in this country. Plus the Liberal government's track record for a)doing what they said they would and b)using our money wisely (instead of lining their already heavy pockets) is pretty shady. Green solution my ass.
So I voted to the right. Not because I call myself conservative-- I dunno anything about politics. Ideologically I don't really understand how one party differs from the next. But I know what I value-- which is family life. And it seems to me that a lot of the left leaning parties, who talk a lot about union rights and the environment and government subsidised programs, seem to value the same things I do, but their solutions for change make no sense to me because they all assume that work is life instead of the thing we do in order to support and enjoy other parts of our life- like family. Why would a woman WANT to stay home and care for her family? Is she backwards? Mentally deficient? Did she miss that year at school where we drilled into them importance of having a career? Of putting herself forward and being a USEFUL member of society????
Well I dunno but the "education" never stuck with me.
Plus all that talk about union rights and stuff always gets my goat because, ahem, we would LOVE to have a union job-- you actually make some money if you work for a union--ever worked retail? No? Then stop bitching. Those people don't make enough to pay rent when they work 60 hours a week. They get shitty hours, deal with shitty people (and smile while doing it), they are always underpaid, understaffed, over-worked, they don't get proper breaks or holidays (two weeks?? Are you kidding??--half an hour's unpaid break, maybe, out of eight, to wolf down a disgusting meal from the food court?) and they don't earn enough money to manage even a small rent half the time, let alone pay for a car or school or decent food or raise kids. Who represents them? Uhuh, no one. People who work for unions have it made compared to the rest of us. People who work for unions are the ones shopping on Sundays (people need the right to shop weekends you know) and making the poor sales assistants tear their hair out.
Okay that last bit was fairly irrelevant and bitter so jsut disregard it, but personally I'm fed up. I don't want to vote again. I just want everyone in Ottawa to grow up and stop talking shite!! And that goes for the lot of them!!
I should explain that I'm not political. I don't get it. I'm apathetic. I don't have television, I quit listening to the radio (because Radio 2 changed their entire weekday program to nix most of the classical music!!) and I don't read newspapers because who wants to spend that money? So I'm fairly uninformed. And I don't care. Maybe I'm evil. Whatever.
But I do feel I have to do my civic duty and go vote (after all it's a right that not a lot of people in the world have and I felt it would be ungrateful not to) so I was bloody annoyed when I heard through friends that we're going to have to vote on the federal government AGAIN. Seriously? Didn't we JUST all vote like last month? And then we had to worry our heads about the US election too, and the municiple elections just finished and I think the provincial ones are coming up again and I'm just fed right up! Leave me alone government!!
Well it turns out we're NOT voting yet. We either vote next year (probably unless some wheels get seriously greased, and from what I can tell those wheels are damn stubborn and don't seem to want to move no matter what.) Or we get to have a coalition of the smaller opposition parties that as far as I know have nothing in common ideologically except that they hate the party currently forming the government. Great. That sounds stable. Oh and they want to spend lots of money we don't have in stimulus packages to help people suffering from the financial crisis--which has so far done absolutely nothing to help our biggest trading partner. Meanwhile, the ruling party's solution is to suspend parliament (lest they lose power because they won't budge on THEIR stance)-- which means absolutely nothing gets done for two months straight while we're in the middle of an economic crisis. Brilliant.
Now I will be honest. I voted for the Conservatives. Not because I am conservative. I already said I don't get politics at all. But I had no respect for the Liberals after 13 years of lies, broken promises, and scandal and their new leader (who didn't seem to speak English) wasn't doing anything to restore their credibility as far as I was concerned. And plus they wanted to raise taxes for "helping the environment" or something. Cuz that's the big issue.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not some hick with a petrol guzzling 4x4 on stilts that thinks global warming is a lot of hooey. As a matter of fact, I live a fairly environmentally responsible lifestyle. I use cloth diapers, we drive a tiny, super fuel-efficient Honda Fit (and we only have ONE car). I walk where I can and when I can't walk I use the bus. I wash my dishes and my laundry in environmentally safe detergent. I don't waste paper. I use power-saving lightbulbs. I buy local and organic groceries when I can and I cook things from scratch rather than use processed pre-made "food products" that are not only unhealthy but also create a lot more waste. Why do I have time to do all this? Because I'm a stay at home mom. Why can I afford to stay at home? Because we cram everything we own into a tiny two bedroom trailer which we plan to fill with as many kids as we can fit bunk beds for and because the current government party sends me a check for $100 a month (per child under 6)--which is what pays for the slightly more expensive groceries, and environmentally safe lightbulbs and laundy soap and organic milk from a local dairy. My husband does not make a lot. In fact if you divide his wage between us (imagining that we're BOTH working) we make about 9 bucks an hour. Which is a buck more than minimum wage. Not really enough.
Now I COULD go back to work (like a responsible woman of the world) and actually try to provide the north American standard for my children (their own rooms in a big house with a big yard and all the toys and opportunities for sports and extra cirricular activities they could possibly imagine). But we'd have to buy another car, and I would have spend half my wage on daycare and we'd never have time to eat as a family so it would be instant meals all the way and processed lunch meat (bring on the listeriosis) and low quality snack foods and disposble diapers (daycares don't do cloth) and meanwhile my kids would never see me, my husband would never see me, family unity would go out the window, and all those environmentally friendly things we can manage because I stay at home and bother to do them would be gone.
We'll never own a house-- or at least not while we're in our current situation. But I failed to see how raising taxes would actually help the environment when the problem, to me, seems to be a social one-- which is that both parents have to work to survive. If one parent chooses to stay at home to take on these things that INDIVIDUALS ought to be responsible for (not the government), then we can make a much bigger difference to the world not just environmentally, but socially speaking as well. Think of all the kids who will have better relationships with their families-- and marriages that will benefit from more frequent communication and time spent together at home? Think of how much better people would be fed--how much better children would learn if they weren't consuming sugar and processed crap all day because Mom (or Dad) haven't got time to make you anything else?
And politically, the only party I saw supporting families with one spouse at home to care for the children and keep house was the Conservatives. No one will convince me that taxing us further to provide more government subsidised child care programs will actually help things that are wrong in this country. Plus the Liberal government's track record for a)doing what they said they would and b)using our money wisely (instead of lining their already heavy pockets) is pretty shady. Green solution my ass.
So I voted to the right. Not because I call myself conservative-- I dunno anything about politics. Ideologically I don't really understand how one party differs from the next. But I know what I value-- which is family life. And it seems to me that a lot of the left leaning parties, who talk a lot about union rights and the environment and government subsidised programs, seem to value the same things I do, but their solutions for change make no sense to me because they all assume that work is life instead of the thing we do in order to support and enjoy other parts of our life- like family. Why would a woman WANT to stay home and care for her family? Is she backwards? Mentally deficient? Did she miss that year at school where we drilled into them importance of having a career? Of putting herself forward and being a USEFUL member of society????
Well I dunno but the "education" never stuck with me.
Plus all that talk about union rights and stuff always gets my goat because, ahem, we would LOVE to have a union job-- you actually make some money if you work for a union--ever worked retail? No? Then stop bitching. Those people don't make enough to pay rent when they work 60 hours a week. They get shitty hours, deal with shitty people (and smile while doing it), they are always underpaid, understaffed, over-worked, they don't get proper breaks or holidays (two weeks?? Are you kidding??--half an hour's unpaid break, maybe, out of eight, to wolf down a disgusting meal from the food court?) and they don't earn enough money to manage even a small rent half the time, let alone pay for a car or school or decent food or raise kids. Who represents them? Uhuh, no one. People who work for unions have it made compared to the rest of us. People who work for unions are the ones shopping on Sundays (people need the right to shop weekends you know) and making the poor sales assistants tear their hair out.
Okay that last bit was fairly irrelevant and bitter so jsut disregard it, but personally I'm fed up. I don't want to vote again. I just want everyone in Ottawa to grow up and stop talking shite!! And that goes for the lot of them!!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Who's in Mama's tum?!
So we had the ultrasound on Monday and got the results Tuesday morning-- which struck me as pretty quick. Good thing too. I was pretty choked that they charged me 10$ for those lame computer print-out photos and made me go to the bank for cash to pay. Plus they spelled my name wrong. But the point is that the baby is perfect and the placenta and uterus and fluids are all normal which is a nice relief.
Not that I expected anything to be wrong. It's just good news to have. And to be honest, I've felt fairly detached from this baby and pregnancy. When I got pregnant with Theo I felt like I knew him right away. I was sure he was a boy and just felt some sort of connection to him. This time is totally different. We had a little more trouble getting pregnant and were under a lot more pressure this time around (financially and just generally), so when I found out I was pregnant, it really didn't feel real. I half expected to miscarry or something because I just didn't feel like the baby was really there and this was really happening all over again. Even when I started to feel the kicking (much earlier this time) I still didn't feel pregnant. Just tired.
That's partly why I wanted to find out the sex. I think I wanted to have something to picture-- like me cradling a girl in her pink outfit, or sorting through all the old baby boy clothes to pick which ones I wanted to dress him in when he was born. I was so excited to be pregnant with Theo, and so sure I already knew who he was that I sort of wanted to wait to find out the sex-- save something for a surprise. But this time I just feel so unexcited (and guilty about it--irrationally) that I wanted something to imagine that I could get excited about.
Greg was not on board with finding out the sex however, because, and I quote: "There's no point coming to the birth if I already know the sex!" Now this might sound like a horrible, shallow, scoundrel-y thing to say to your pregnant wife, but I sort of see his point.
See, unlike so many sensitive, loving, and "enlightened" husbands (read my sarcasm) Greg really really feels reluctant to be at the birth. And most modern people would shout "What a bastard!" But I think that lots of men feel the same way and are too ashamed to admit it. Think about it: men are pretty much useless in the birthing room-- at least by their standards. They like to help, especially with physically demanding stuff (like lifting and opening jars and stuff). It makes them feel manly. In the birthing room they can't really do anything but "be there for you" which is kind of a role reversal if you think about it. MOMMIES hold your hand and say sweet comforting things when you hurt. It's gotta suck not being able to help much with the pain and try to be the sensitive loving one who knows exactly what to say to make you feel supported. Some guys are better at it than others, but it's quite a challenge for lots of guys.
Also, birth is gross. I'm sorry, people who say it's magical and amazing are full of it. There's blood and screaming and slippery slimy stuff and fluids leaking. It's not pretty. Plus new babies aren't much to look at. They're like lizards or purple aliens. And guys can be really squeamish. I don't blame them. When they offered me that mirror to see the head I was like "NO WAY JOSE!! Gro-oss!!!" I'll do the pushing, but I don't want to look at it. So I don't expect Greg to want to either.
Now of course he DID come to the birth and averted his eyes as much as he could. What else was he going to do? He thought-- I know! I'll wait in the hall! Until of course my midwife pointed out that it could be hours and hours and he couldn't just hang out in the hospital hallway forever. I think she was a little scandalised that didn't want to be there. But he wasn't about to go mountain biking or play video games and wait for a phone call. So he was stuck. And he was the announcer for the event, phoning everyone to say I was in labour and then to say that the baby was coming NOW and then to tell everyone it's a boy!! He must have spent half the night on the phone. And he kicked people out when I wanted him to, which was helpful. So he didn't do nothing, but I bet it didn't feel very useful for him.
For him the pay-off was that he got to find out the sex. It's a little like opening presents on Christmas morning. It's not as much of a delight if you already know what you're getting. Small consolation for feeling useless while your wife screams her lungs out and swears at you (not me though) and shoots out all this disgusting stuff, not excluding this creature of reptilian appearance that you're supposed to greet with tears of joy. If the sex is a surprise then at least that's something he can look forward to. After all-- the only thing that's immediately obvious about who your kid is when it comes out is the sex. Other than that it's pretty much just this revolting, writhing, slimy, screaming purple thing.
And in spite of my irrational idea that I might feel closer to the baby if I know the sex in advance (and I really want a girl so it would be nice to know if it's a boy ahead of time to avoid disappointment) I think I get where Greg is coming from. It really IS a bit like peaking at your present before Christmas Day. I might be glad in the end that Greg made me wait.
Having said that, we still have the information available to us. My midwife knows the sex because we asked for it on the requisition form. She's carefully hidden the answer in an envelope so we can change our minds if we want. I might die of curiosity before the birth and have to ask. But I'll at least wait until much closer to the due date so I can keep it a secret and Greg can still have his pay-off...
Not that I expected anything to be wrong. It's just good news to have. And to be honest, I've felt fairly detached from this baby and pregnancy. When I got pregnant with Theo I felt like I knew him right away. I was sure he was a boy and just felt some sort of connection to him. This time is totally different. We had a little more trouble getting pregnant and were under a lot more pressure this time around (financially and just generally), so when I found out I was pregnant, it really didn't feel real. I half expected to miscarry or something because I just didn't feel like the baby was really there and this was really happening all over again. Even when I started to feel the kicking (much earlier this time) I still didn't feel pregnant. Just tired.
That's partly why I wanted to find out the sex. I think I wanted to have something to picture-- like me cradling a girl in her pink outfit, or sorting through all the old baby boy clothes to pick which ones I wanted to dress him in when he was born. I was so excited to be pregnant with Theo, and so sure I already knew who he was that I sort of wanted to wait to find out the sex-- save something for a surprise. But this time I just feel so unexcited (and guilty about it--irrationally) that I wanted something to imagine that I could get excited about.
Greg was not on board with finding out the sex however, because, and I quote: "There's no point coming to the birth if I already know the sex!" Now this might sound like a horrible, shallow, scoundrel-y thing to say to your pregnant wife, but I sort of see his point.
See, unlike so many sensitive, loving, and "enlightened" husbands (read my sarcasm) Greg really really feels reluctant to be at the birth. And most modern people would shout "What a bastard!" But I think that lots of men feel the same way and are too ashamed to admit it. Think about it: men are pretty much useless in the birthing room-- at least by their standards. They like to help, especially with physically demanding stuff (like lifting and opening jars and stuff). It makes them feel manly. In the birthing room they can't really do anything but "be there for you" which is kind of a role reversal if you think about it. MOMMIES hold your hand and say sweet comforting things when you hurt. It's gotta suck not being able to help much with the pain and try to be the sensitive loving one who knows exactly what to say to make you feel supported. Some guys are better at it than others, but it's quite a challenge for lots of guys.
Also, birth is gross. I'm sorry, people who say it's magical and amazing are full of it. There's blood and screaming and slippery slimy stuff and fluids leaking. It's not pretty. Plus new babies aren't much to look at. They're like lizards or purple aliens. And guys can be really squeamish. I don't blame them. When they offered me that mirror to see the head I was like "NO WAY JOSE!! Gro-oss!!!" I'll do the pushing, but I don't want to look at it. So I don't expect Greg to want to either.
Now of course he DID come to the birth and averted his eyes as much as he could. What else was he going to do? He thought-- I know! I'll wait in the hall! Until of course my midwife pointed out that it could be hours and hours and he couldn't just hang out in the hospital hallway forever. I think she was a little scandalised that didn't want to be there. But he wasn't about to go mountain biking or play video games and wait for a phone call. So he was stuck. And he was the announcer for the event, phoning everyone to say I was in labour and then to say that the baby was coming NOW and then to tell everyone it's a boy!! He must have spent half the night on the phone. And he kicked people out when I wanted him to, which was helpful. So he didn't do nothing, but I bet it didn't feel very useful for him.
For him the pay-off was that he got to find out the sex. It's a little like opening presents on Christmas morning. It's not as much of a delight if you already know what you're getting. Small consolation for feeling useless while your wife screams her lungs out and swears at you (not me though) and shoots out all this disgusting stuff, not excluding this creature of reptilian appearance that you're supposed to greet with tears of joy. If the sex is a surprise then at least that's something he can look forward to. After all-- the only thing that's immediately obvious about who your kid is when it comes out is the sex. Other than that it's pretty much just this revolting, writhing, slimy, screaming purple thing.
And in spite of my irrational idea that I might feel closer to the baby if I know the sex in advance (and I really want a girl so it would be nice to know if it's a boy ahead of time to avoid disappointment) I think I get where Greg is coming from. It really IS a bit like peaking at your present before Christmas Day. I might be glad in the end that Greg made me wait.
Having said that, we still have the information available to us. My midwife knows the sex because we asked for it on the requisition form. She's carefully hidden the answer in an envelope so we can change our minds if we want. I might die of curiosity before the birth and have to ask. But I'll at least wait until much closer to the due date so I can keep it a secret and Greg can still have his pay-off...
Monday, November 24, 2008
Digging through the messes
So now that we have more or less organized Greg's "office"--aka our bedroom--I'm all keen to reorganise my desk. My desk is this really wide combination of desk and massive square book case with 16 square shelves (4x4). The bookcase makes up one side of the desk so I can sit at the desk and reach into my little cubby-holes and pull out my laptop or my sewing machine or my notes--whatever I feel like working on. Very efficient.
For a long time I've been dying to have a proper sewing desk-- or just a desk that isn't covered with papers and books and computer software. Having a laptop instead of a desktop has actually made it possible for me to close up the computer and put it far from temptation so I can actually get some work done on my four million projects.
However, I discovered we have a serious paper infestation. My desk has been the house dumping ground since we moved in here. Home for scrap paper, burned cds and recorded cassettes with various kinds of Orthodox music that people just keep giving us for some reason, boxes of card stock, mail that isn't ours, boxes for software and hardware that belong to computers we no longer have, burned copies of Windows 97 (we own Macs now), pens that died years ago, mini screw drivers probably designed for putting together model cars or something, old cell phones, old cards we can't bring ourselves to throw out, and pretty much anything else kicking about that didn't have an obvious home.
I like the idea of double duty furniture--if it truly is efficiently double duty furniture. But quadruple, quintuple and whatever it is for six-fold (sounds like something dirty) is never efficient and that's what my desk has been from the second we set it up. Which means I never get anything done because it would be hazardous to my health to even try to dig out my sewing from the nest of God-knows-what that's taken up residence there.
It's a difficult, often dangerous, thing to go weeding through one's accumulated messes. Even after considering carefully how to organise things once you've got all the wheat separated from the chaff, you still have the daunting task of physically moving things out of the way and picking what qualifies as wheat. And you have no idea how stable the foundations are or if things will actually fit where you've planned to put them. For example, halfway through turning the wall shelf above my desk into the "media area" I discover that the brackets were screwed very tightly to the wall, the shelf, however was not screwed to the brackets. The whole shelf-- including all the massive piles and boxes of cds came crashing down on my head. If my computer wasn't shut it would have been broken. And luckily I hadn't put the cd player up there yet so all that was hurt was a few cd cases. But it could have been a very expensive disaster.
Yesterday I had a bad pregnant day combined with a bad marriage day. Greg and I have been really busy the last few weeks. We've had parties and visitors and every evening and weekend has been taken up with having friends just pop round to hang out, or some helpful service Greg has offered to people, or church, or Greg's music projects he's been working on for months now. Yesterday was no exception. After a week of feeling stuck at home all day without grownups and then stuck at home all evening while Greg was preoccupied with some obligation or other, I found that his weekend was committed to going out mountain biking with the youth group. ALL WEEKEND. He was exploring the trails with the leaders on Saturday until Vespers and biking all afternoon on Sunday. Which means I get to spend my weekend like I spent my week. Handling our toddler by myself and trying to keep the houseowrk under control. No day off for me.
His phone was off, it was dark. I was already fuming because I felt like a single mom or a housemaid all week and it was past six and I still didn't know when he'd be home for dinner. When I discovered he'd stopped to have hot chocolate with friends on the way home and hadn't even bothered to ring and inform me he'd be late I just flipped out.
A week's worth of frustration, annoyance, and lack of communication is a lot like a pile of accumulated junk on one's desk. The longer it sits there, the less you get done, the more things accumulate and become not only useless but slightly dangerous to start digging through. You never know when something might come sliding down on you and cause lot of damage. But then if you don't clean it out, you stop using the space altogether and (ahem) start thinking about OTHER places you might be able to do stuff--which seems to be a pattern developing around here. People looking for other places to get satisfaction out of their lives-- if you get me.
A friend, who recently has had some serious marriage problems, dropped by just when I was getting the phone call from the youth leader to explain where they were. He got the full brunt of my pregnant-lady irrational fury after I hung up the phone and asked, quite seriously, how Greg and I solve these problems. I really didn't know to be honest. Every marriage has its dumping ground that accumulates stuff you'll regret not finding a place for I guess. And you chuck things there out of habit-- even if you know, you've been told a million times, that your spouse hates it. Take the dryer-- I NEVER remember to clean the lint trap and it drives Greg nuts. So we have a wee argument and I say "Yeah, yeah, I'll do it" then after a couple of hits, I start missing again until next time he complains about the ball of lint.
Eventually you change your habits, or you develop a way of communicating about it that doesn't lead to a fight. For instance-- I get a ball of lint in the face now and then when I 've forgotten to clean it too many times. He's teasing me and bugging me and at the same time reinforcing the message that I need to bloody remember to clean the damn lint trap. We keep a sense of humor and move on.
We haven't yet developed a mode of communication for the "forgetting-to-inform-wifey-when -I'm- running-late" issue or the "I'm-too-busy-with-other-people-to-give-you-a-break" issue, so I just end up with smoke coming out of my nostrils when I've had enough. I blow up and he feels persecuted (naturally) so it ends in a big yelling match and the shelves some crashing down (not literally).
Luckily, it actually didn't end that way because I didn't have to tell him personally how mad I was. I told our friend the youth leader that I was mad and to pass on the bloody message. I don't think Greg actually understood what I was so pissed off about exactly, but he knew he was in trouble and that I needed to be placated because he turned up with flowers-- really pretty pink potted cyclamens, and he was instantly forgiven. We later had a wee chat about it but no one was feeling furious or persecuted so it worked out rather well.
What do you do when you don't have a handy (also married) youth leader to relay the message though? I dunno. But I think that one thing is sure: if you're married, you really need to be part of a community of other married couples that you can confide in, roll your eyes with, or occasionally reorganise the shelves with. They're less likely to come crashing down if you've got a few more pairs of hands to hold up the wobbly ends with. And sometimes you can swap ideas on communicating with those aliens we're married to.
For a long time I've been dying to have a proper sewing desk-- or just a desk that isn't covered with papers and books and computer software. Having a laptop instead of a desktop has actually made it possible for me to close up the computer and put it far from temptation so I can actually get some work done on my four million projects.
However, I discovered we have a serious paper infestation. My desk has been the house dumping ground since we moved in here. Home for scrap paper, burned cds and recorded cassettes with various kinds of Orthodox music that people just keep giving us for some reason, boxes of card stock, mail that isn't ours, boxes for software and hardware that belong to computers we no longer have, burned copies of Windows 97 (we own Macs now), pens that died years ago, mini screw drivers probably designed for putting together model cars or something, old cell phones, old cards we can't bring ourselves to throw out, and pretty much anything else kicking about that didn't have an obvious home.
I like the idea of double duty furniture--if it truly is efficiently double duty furniture. But quadruple, quintuple and whatever it is for six-fold (sounds like something dirty) is never efficient and that's what my desk has been from the second we set it up. Which means I never get anything done because it would be hazardous to my health to even try to dig out my sewing from the nest of God-knows-what that's taken up residence there.
It's a difficult, often dangerous, thing to go weeding through one's accumulated messes. Even after considering carefully how to organise things once you've got all the wheat separated from the chaff, you still have the daunting task of physically moving things out of the way and picking what qualifies as wheat. And you have no idea how stable the foundations are or if things will actually fit where you've planned to put them. For example, halfway through turning the wall shelf above my desk into the "media area" I discover that the brackets were screwed very tightly to the wall, the shelf, however was not screwed to the brackets. The whole shelf-- including all the massive piles and boxes of cds came crashing down on my head. If my computer wasn't shut it would have been broken. And luckily I hadn't put the cd player up there yet so all that was hurt was a few cd cases. But it could have been a very expensive disaster.
Yesterday I had a bad pregnant day combined with a bad marriage day. Greg and I have been really busy the last few weeks. We've had parties and visitors and every evening and weekend has been taken up with having friends just pop round to hang out, or some helpful service Greg has offered to people, or church, or Greg's music projects he's been working on for months now. Yesterday was no exception. After a week of feeling stuck at home all day without grownups and then stuck at home all evening while Greg was preoccupied with some obligation or other, I found that his weekend was committed to going out mountain biking with the youth group. ALL WEEKEND. He was exploring the trails with the leaders on Saturday until Vespers and biking all afternoon on Sunday. Which means I get to spend my weekend like I spent my week. Handling our toddler by myself and trying to keep the houseowrk under control. No day off for me.
His phone was off, it was dark. I was already fuming because I felt like a single mom or a housemaid all week and it was past six and I still didn't know when he'd be home for dinner. When I discovered he'd stopped to have hot chocolate with friends on the way home and hadn't even bothered to ring and inform me he'd be late I just flipped out.
A week's worth of frustration, annoyance, and lack of communication is a lot like a pile of accumulated junk on one's desk. The longer it sits there, the less you get done, the more things accumulate and become not only useless but slightly dangerous to start digging through. You never know when something might come sliding down on you and cause lot of damage. But then if you don't clean it out, you stop using the space altogether and (ahem) start thinking about OTHER places you might be able to do stuff--which seems to be a pattern developing around here. People looking for other places to get satisfaction out of their lives-- if you get me.
A friend, who recently has had some serious marriage problems, dropped by just when I was getting the phone call from the youth leader to explain where they were. He got the full brunt of my pregnant-lady irrational fury after I hung up the phone and asked, quite seriously, how Greg and I solve these problems. I really didn't know to be honest. Every marriage has its dumping ground that accumulates stuff you'll regret not finding a place for I guess. And you chuck things there out of habit-- even if you know, you've been told a million times, that your spouse hates it. Take the dryer-- I NEVER remember to clean the lint trap and it drives Greg nuts. So we have a wee argument and I say "Yeah, yeah, I'll do it" then after a couple of hits, I start missing again until next time he complains about the ball of lint.
Eventually you change your habits, or you develop a way of communicating about it that doesn't lead to a fight. For instance-- I get a ball of lint in the face now and then when I 've forgotten to clean it too many times. He's teasing me and bugging me and at the same time reinforcing the message that I need to bloody remember to clean the damn lint trap. We keep a sense of humor and move on.
We haven't yet developed a mode of communication for the "forgetting-to-inform-wifey-when -I'm- running-late" issue or the "I'm-too-busy-with-other-people-to-give-you-a-break" issue, so I just end up with smoke coming out of my nostrils when I've had enough. I blow up and he feels persecuted (naturally) so it ends in a big yelling match and the shelves some crashing down (not literally).
Luckily, it actually didn't end that way because I didn't have to tell him personally how mad I was. I told our friend the youth leader that I was mad and to pass on the bloody message. I don't think Greg actually understood what I was so pissed off about exactly, but he knew he was in trouble and that I needed to be placated because he turned up with flowers-- really pretty pink potted cyclamens, and he was instantly forgiven. We later had a wee chat about it but no one was feeling furious or persecuted so it worked out rather well.
What do you do when you don't have a handy (also married) youth leader to relay the message though? I dunno. But I think that one thing is sure: if you're married, you really need to be part of a community of other married couples that you can confide in, roll your eyes with, or occasionally reorganise the shelves with. They're less likely to come crashing down if you've got a few more pairs of hands to hold up the wobbly ends with. And sometimes you can swap ideas on communicating with those aliens we're married to.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
SUPER-MOM PEROGIES
Okay I had one of those days where I pretty much didn't get a break and was ready to eat someone's face off by the time I got home--literally and figurtively. I was THAT hungry and pissed off. Lucky for Greg he had to hive off to Vespers so he escaped. Anyway I had to come up with something filling, that had veggies and protein and calcium (for Theo and me). So I whipped up what I'm calling "Super-Mom Perogies" because it took me no more than 15 minutes to prepare and it was fantastic. It's not Lenten, but it includes my two Lenten staples: shrimp and perogies. Perogies are one of few convenience food items that I have to stock. They're starchy and they probably have a lot more additives in them than I'd like to believe, but I can't imagine tofu being any better for you really and these puppies fill you up quick. I can't do Lent without them. Especially on days when my original plans go awry and I really just need to get food on the table fast. And it can be easily adapted for fasting parents (unless they're label-readers) and non-fasting kiddies. If you're that hardcore. Also very yummy in Cheesefare week.
SUPER-MOM PEROGIES
--5-10 non-cheesy, non-meaty perogies per person (10 for big men, 5 for kids, toddlers can manage maybe two...)
--2-3 cups of broccoli (for a family of say 4)
--1/2 to 1 cup of frozen shrimp
--1-2 tbsp butter
--1/2 tsp garlic salt
--pepper to taste
--1-2 tsp dill
--1-2 tsp flour
--1/4 cup milk
--1/4-1/2 c of cheddar, shredded
Put on a pot of boiling water. Add broccoli and cook 5 minutes. Add perogies and cook another five minutes.
While the perogies and broccoli are boiling melt butter in a skillet on medium heat. Add shrimp and fry a couple of minutes until they are thawed and warming up. Add garlic salt and pepper and dill.
At this point if parents are fasting and kiddies aren't, remove and cover the adult portion of shrimp (it'll be nice and juicy even without the tasty sauce).
Then add a wee bit more butter to the pan and melt it. Add the flour, (and you have to be quick about this) dive in with a spatula in one hand and the milk in the other and mix it really quick so that the flour doesn't get lumpy in the milk, (you're basically making a white sauce). When it's nicely mixed and the consistency of a light cream sauce (not too runny) add the cheese and stir it in till it's melted.
At this point, the perogies and broccoli should be cooked to perfection. Turn off all the heat and strain the broccoli and perogies in a colander. Serve the perogies and broccoli on the plates first and add to each a few spoonfuls of the shrimp and juicy or creamy sauce. Voila! The yummiest perogies ever! In 15 minutes. Yay for Super-mom!
SUPER-MOM PEROGIES
--5-10 non-cheesy, non-meaty perogies per person (10 for big men, 5 for kids, toddlers can manage maybe two...)
--2-3 cups of broccoli (for a family of say 4)
--1/2 to 1 cup of frozen shrimp
--1-2 tbsp butter
--1/2 tsp garlic salt
--pepper to taste
--1-2 tsp dill
--1-2 tsp flour
--1/4 cup milk
--1/4-1/2 c of cheddar, shredded
Put on a pot of boiling water. Add broccoli and cook 5 minutes. Add perogies and cook another five minutes.
While the perogies and broccoli are boiling melt butter in a skillet on medium heat. Add shrimp and fry a couple of minutes until they are thawed and warming up. Add garlic salt and pepper and dill.
At this point if parents are fasting and kiddies aren't, remove and cover the adult portion of shrimp (it'll be nice and juicy even without the tasty sauce).
Then add a wee bit more butter to the pan and melt it. Add the flour, (and you have to be quick about this) dive in with a spatula in one hand and the milk in the other and mix it really quick so that the flour doesn't get lumpy in the milk, (you're basically making a white sauce). When it's nicely mixed and the consistency of a light cream sauce (not too runny) add the cheese and stir it in till it's melted.
At this point, the perogies and broccoli should be cooked to perfection. Turn off all the heat and strain the broccoli and perogies in a colander. Serve the perogies and broccoli on the plates first and add to each a few spoonfuls of the shrimp and juicy or creamy sauce. Voila! The yummiest perogies ever! In 15 minutes. Yay for Super-mom!
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